C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
