Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
