You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
