dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
