In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize