He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
