Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Randomize
