Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
