I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Randomize
