Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
