i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
