Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Randomize
