I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
