hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
