Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Vodka?
Forever.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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