4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
how can u be prego again
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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