i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
