It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
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