and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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