You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
