Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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