It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
