You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
