There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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