see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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