someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize