i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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