I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
