you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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