meet me or not, i'm out of control
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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