Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Randomize
