I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
