I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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