I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
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