I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
