xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
