I wanna bring you to show and tell
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
