she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
