it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
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