Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
