forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
