So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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