i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
What drink are we having for lunch?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
