she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
