he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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