AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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