So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Dick very happy bro
Randomize
