he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
