Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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