He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
