And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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