please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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