i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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