I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
