I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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