and you said cock pushups were impossible
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
