it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
