Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
