there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Randomize
