FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
