clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Randomize
