I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
You left your phone here
Wait...
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
