nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
