how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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