there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
