I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
