Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
