Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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